The War is Over, Time for the Treaty
Bill O’Reilly considers himself a culture warrior. Grossly overstated metaphor aside (subtlety does not exist in the No Spin Zone), he definitely engages in battles of words daily. A particular battlefield during the month of December gets him going like no other, his beloved “War on Christmas”. You can Google it to find over a decade’s worth of clips and commentary on his Christmas Crusades. Recently he declared victory for his side. He is literally on the side of the angels and baby Jesus (non-existent as they may be) – it is the little tot’s birthday after all. So in the spirit of the season, I’ll cede the war to Bill, so all that is left is to draw up the treaty.
Bill and Baby Jesus get to have and celebrate the following Christmas items:
Creepy nativity scenes, gold, frankincense, myrrh, crosses (burning optional), church, Herod, donkeys.
The “losers” of the war on Christmas are stuck with the following to celebrate only if they so choose:
Decorated trees, pretty lights, PEACE [Bill doesn’t want this because a) he’s a warrior and b) Jesus came not for peace but with a sword], presents, stockings, Santa, reindeer, secular Christmas songs, Dickens, candy canes, eggnog, snowmen, holly, wreaths, merry bells, snowmen, feasts, JOY, family (Jesus ain’t too big on family values), cookies…
So to Bill and other Jesus warriors: I promise not to go to church but we get Rudolph and for Kris Kringle’s sake keep your hands off my figgy pudding!
Happy Holidays Everyone!